Image: Joseph Eagle
I’d like to talk about a realization and experience I had a couple of months ago. Our spiritual path is an expansive one, our consciousness expands on and on towards infinity…
Often when we speak of Unity, that All is One and the One is All, we can accept the concept, we can integrate it as truth. Today even science proves this Unity thanks to quantum physics (see the work of Nassim Haramein, John Hagelin..). An atom contains the mass of the entire Universe.
So even if we know and can conceptualize with our minds that we are all One, more often than not we continue to act as if we were separated from each other. We have much more sympathy for people that agree with us and a lot less for those who don’t and contradict us. We are One with like-minded people but when we are confronted with a person that treats us badly or insults us we are thrown back again into the illusion of separateness. We shut down to this person completely or we lash out at them. We either get angry and take things personally: “Why did this person do this to ME? Why ME and not this other person? Have you seen what this person has done to ME?”
Or fall into victimhood and self-blame: “If I attracted this it means I deserve it, I must be a bad person. There must be something wrong with me, I must be cursed…”. This is particularly present in the spiritual field, in the name of Unity we become all lovey dovey “I will open up to you and send you all my love (but only if you’re nice to me)”, “if you betray me or hurt me I will not invite you anymore and erase you from my friends list”, or “I will forgive you and will repeat three times the ho’oponopono (but inside me I know I won’t forget)”. When we are triggered by someone and feel negative emotion we often fall into the trap and into the illusion of separation again.
A couple of months ago (around the end of January) I went through a major realization that changed my life. While I was doing my third liver flush (Andreas Moritz’s method) I went through an intense three-day crisis. I felt physically ill though the first two cleanses went very well. A lot of emotions surfaced, very old emotions anchored inside me (the liver is traditionally associated with anger). I’ve repressed my anger for 28 years and was struggling with chronic sinusitis most of my life. There is a very appropriate French expression for anger: “la moutarde me monte au nez”. Which translates literally to “the mustard comes up my nose”.
During these three days, I had a nightmare where I was in the hospital and I just had given birth to a baby. I was in the hospital room and the doctor was looking at me and shaking his head, something was wrong…My baby was very ill and was going to die the same day. I felt deep pain and total powerlessness to see this little being that just came out of me that was going to die. My father was the only person present in the room with me, but he didn’t pay attention to me, he didn’t even look at me and was insensible to my suffering. He went up to the doctor instead and just asked him if he could get a drug prescription. So I stood up and confronted my father, I yelled at him and threw all my anger on to him. I woke up instantly. I was crying and feeling completely desperate. These emotions were linked to loss, powerlessness and the feeling of being invisible and unconsidered. It was utterly painful though I knew I was cleansing something very deep. I wanted to die again, and in fact there was a part of me that was dying…(it is often the case when we experiences little ego deaths).
I took my car and drove to a place I love near the mountain of Bugarach, where there is a powerful portal. I prayed to the spirit guardians of the place, asking them to assist me in this healing. I sat there on the rocks in the cold winter of January for more than hour, while they surrounded me with their light.
When I came home that day I knew it was over. In the evening I sat down on the sofa in a meditative state, and it all came to me at once in a flash. I saw the reality I was trapped in since my childhood. I became aware that following several traumatic events in my childhood (all emotional) I had build myself a world where everyone and everything was against me. I believed (on an unconscious level) that whatever I did, thought, said, felt, believed would be used against me. I saw the bars of my own prison. I had the belief I was not lovable and that therefore I was a bad person and consequently the exterior world was a menace. Being a very sensitive kid and adult my ego had constructed this prison to protect me, ego only sees the world through the eyes of separation. It has always been easy for me to feel I was One with nature and animals but much harder with other human beings. At one point in my childhood and because of that, slowly but surely my inner light started to extinguish itself and my creative spark smothered. I was living as a spectator of my life watching it float by but didn’t really live it, I wasn’t committed to life.
I perceived the filter through which I saw the world and society; I perceived the meaning my mind gave to it and the alienation I felt as a result of it. Following these realizations I saw all these structures around me crumble. I instantly felt a feeling of bliss emerging from my heart that opened up like a sunflower would to the sun. I saw myself through the eyes of every single person I met in my life and I integrated them as me. Even those who hurt me the most, I loved them one by one as I can finally love myself today. I felt this Divine Love that is One. I saw and felt how reality is only a holographic hall of mirrors reflecting what we are inside. I understood how all these people that I thought were against me or hurt me were only there to show me how I was against myself. So I realized all I had left to do was to love those people that trigger me to feel negative emotions more than anything in the world. Because they are here only to show us what part of ourselves we have abandoned, and that are begging for our love. A deep feeling of peace settled into my being, I was home again.
I’ve had a couple of mystical experiences of Unity with psychedelic plants before. My first time on psilocybin mushrooms with my brother was memorable! These plants are wonderful teachers that show us the way. But this time the process occurred organically and the main difference is that something much deeper anchored itself inside me. It is impossible to be always in a state of unconditional love or bliss while incarnated, but the vigilant consciousness can be there permanently. As our consciousness expands, the gap between consciousness and unconsciousness becomes smaller and smaller. We become more present.
What I realized as well is that the reality we perceive is in fact self-centered, because ultimately we are only interacting with ourselves. What I’ve seen during this experience is that since we are all one unique point of perspective of the One consciousness. So we all experience different timelines, different parallel realities, different versions of reality. I will probably explain this more in detail some other time but to sum it up: the version of me you are experiencing is probably not the same as the version of me your neighbor is experiencing. In the same way, you are not experiencing the same version of your neighbor that he is experiencing of you. It all depends what vibration we are holding, the thoughts we are thinking and the emotions we feel. All of this will be reflected by the Law of attraction into our external reality. The Other is me. Everything I hate in the Other is what I don’t want to see in myself, everything the Other says or does to ME is me saying or doing it to MYSELF. There is NO exception to this rule.
I AM ONE. I AM. I AM THAT I AM.
This means we’d better start to learn how to love ourselves if we want others to love us. But also being loving and kind to others is like being loving and kind to us. Everything we do to others we do to ourselves, this is the law of Karma. It’s one thing to know it in theory, it’s one thing to conceptualize it and try to understand it with the mind. It is another to experience and feel Unity fully within our hearts. Because our mind can easily take this truth over and apply it in its own way: “Yes we are all One and I love you and accept you (as long as you are nice with me).. but if you betray me I’ll blow you out!...Love and light.”
When we incarnate it’s like going into a unique movie theater where a film is played and we are the only spectator. We are the spectator, the scriptwriter, the director and the main character all at the same time. The other actors are just the reflection of the main character wearing different masks. In that sense, we have the possibility and the free choice to alter the movie as we wish. We have the possibility to remove certain filters in front of the camera that obscure the scenario. We have the power to change everything in our lives.
So what scenario would you like to write and what part would you like to play in your life today?
Sat Nam
Gabrielle Isis
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