How to deal with grief and loss?
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Know that my next article / video will talk about the healing of the inner child and emotional trauma, fragmentation and dissociation, so I will explain in detail the work I do in therapy. -- This year 2018, we have all been faced in one way or another with mourning or with loss. The emotions generated by this are among the most difficult to deal with. I have been absent these past months, because I needed to go into introspection and be alone because I have not been spared on this subject this year.
This year, with Jupiter in Scorpio we were confronted to death and endings. Being Scorpio with several planets in the sign, I can say that indeed Jupiter in Scorpio did hit me in the face! My year began with my father's death, one week after the New Year, and then towards the end of the summer, it eventually lead to the death of my seven-year relationship. I was faced with one of the most difficult choices of my life, which was to put an end to this relationship.
While I was mourning the death of my father this winter, I had a realization at one point. What was causing me the most pain was the fact that my inner child, the little girl in me, had been feeling guilty all this time. She was guilty for not being able to save or heal her dad in pain. I cried a lot following this realization, and a part of me, of my identity started to disappear. I realized that my relationship was built on that same pattern and it was starting to crumble. The aspect of me that was the "savior/healer" connected to the codependent pattern. There was a lot of going back and forth, but finally Life was very clear: your path with this person is over. There is another path in front of you, take it and another door will open for you. I was of course completely upset, for seven years I thought this person was the father of my future children. Each person has his own evolution path and evolves at their own rhythm, I have a rather fast-paced evolution to say the least, and I cannot force someone to evolve faster than he his able to. And I couldn’t carry on restraining myself either. Today I thank this person for being the perfect mirror that allowed me to heal all my family patterns and I wish him the best.
I understood I took the decision to leave this relationship, although there was a certain comfort, including a material one, also for all the women of my lineage who did not have the courage to leave their husband. Because it was not accepted, out of fear concerning material lack or because of codependency and therefore fear of loneliness. Obviously this concerns everyone.
How many women do not dare to leave their husbands out of fear of being unable to support themselves, because of fear of insecurity, because of the children? ... And of course how many men stay in relationships where they are unhappy just because of emotional security, out of fear of being alone, because they need a mother, or because of the children? ... And then they end up cheating on their wives instead of going through the exit door. Let's go beyond false beliefs, children are not stupid, they feel what is occurring, when they feel their parents are unhappy, they think it's their fault and feel guilty for it. Staying in a non-fulfilling relationship because of the children is nonsense! We are really flooded now with very high vibrations coming down to Earth, and everything that is not aligned with our highest truth and our highest destiny is shedding. Whether souls are leaving, love relationships or friendships are ending, loss of a job or a home ... We must accept what needs to be removed from us, being in a state of resistance can only to be counterproductive and bring more suffering. Certainly it requires courage, perhaps a certain renunciation but if we do not take the required decisions, it is often Life that takes them for us and sometimes brutally. So how to go through all of this? There are obviously many different forms of mourning, but the way we go through it is very similar. First there is the departure of a soul to the other side. When we lose a loved one, especially a child, a parent or a dear friend, we are really confronted with the deep soul connection we have with the person. I was lucky enough to be able to accompany my father till his last breath with my family, guiding him to the Light (I will talk about death and the afterlife another time). I have never considered death as something negative, since it is deliverance, but for those who stay it is sometimes another story. It is important to be aware that physical death is only physical, and that the soul continues to live beyond this dimension since it is eternal. And for nonbelievers this knowing can be very beneficial and greatly help them with their grief. Death is not the end. When we are mourning, it is very important to let ourselves go into our emotions: sadness, grief, sometimes anger due to lack of understanding. It can also trigger a real depression. In our society, we do not know how to embrace emotions, often the entourage will want to change our state: "Get busy! Think of something else! "...
That’s exactly what you should not do, the more you repress an emotional state, the more you block the opportunity to free yourself from it. It is normal to feel grief and it is absolutely necessary to respect that, even if it means going through a phase of depression. It is difficult when you are confronted with the death of a loved one not to think about the person, it’s just normal because the energetic imprint is still there with us while we are mourning. But it is not necessarily a good idea to call the souls of the deceased, which would bring them back instead of allowing them to continue their path in the spiritual dimensions. Know that a soul is never separated from you; it is always there since there is no time or space for them. Mourning lasts generally from several months to several years, it is very important to respect the time that is necessary for you to go through this mourning and to gradually return to a normal life. When you mourn a relationship, especially a love relationship, the separation can sometimes be very violent, I myself felt this in my body as if I had lost a limb. The longer the relationship, the longer it takes to readjust. The dynamics that are present in relationships, and of course the love that we feel for the person, really bring us back to the wound of separation or abandonment. We project onto our relationship, the relationship we had with our parents. The feeling of attachment that turns into a feeling of loss brings us back to the first time we felt this loss as a child or baby. When we are little, we are in total fusion with our mother, but often there is a moment of physical and / or emotional disconnection that takes place. There is a feeling of abandonment and thus of loss which is anchored in that moment. This is what we revisit in adulthood when we are confronted with the death of someone or something. The departure of a soul can also be experienced as abandonment. This feeling of loss can also be experienced in relation to a job, where overnight we are sacked. It can also be in relation to a house or a place, a situation and even to a behavioral pattern such as an addiction. When we heal from an addiction, the renunciation of what we were addict to can be experienced as a loss, since it was our crutch. Whatever we experience, we must understand that when Life takes something away, it does so for our greater good. To go through mourning is first of all a great initiation, but also a deep healing. So it is important to treat yourself as someone recovering from grief with respect and gentleness.
I was also violently confronted to this following reality: we are 100% alone in our lives. There is nothing left to cling to outside of us because what we are going through is a personal and unique experience and no one can feel what we feel. Security and resolution are to be found inside of us and not outside. I'm not saying that you have to isolate yourself. It is of course important to be well surrounded and if possible by people who are able to be really present and able to embrace our emotions. But in the end mourning is experienced alone, like all the challenges in life. And do you know why we are 100% alone? Well, how could it be otherwise in a world where there is only one Consciousness? There is One Consciousness, but billions of different and unique perspectives.
The movement of the Universe is made of contraction and expansion; there can be no expansion without contraction. Jupiter is expansion, Jupiter in Scorpio can be seen as expansion through extreme contraction, making us go through painful inner states of mourning and death, death of a loved one, death of a relationship, a pattern, death of ego ...
The experience of mourning brings us back to basics: alignment with our being, with our Source, the only channel of security and mastery there is. So once the mourning is over, do not cry over what has been taken away from you, let the doors close so that others can open up to something more beautiful and bigger than our human spirit can’t even imagine. And Jupiter is coming home in Sagittarius, for those of us who experienced this this year and who have let go what needed to, there is going to be an expansion phase, the doors will start opening up again. Sat Nam
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