Love relationships: why are they so complicated? - Twin flames, soulmates and twin souls.
There is so much to say on this subject ! I will try to mention here only some aspects of what a love relationship is.
To define what love relationships are, one must first define what love is in a romantic relationship. Love in a romantic relationship, falling in love, is to recognize oneself in the other or to project onto the other the qualities one would like to have in oneself. Falling in love with someone is an aspiration for Unity : I recognize you as being me and from two "separate" entities we become One.
When we fall in love, we have the impression of falling into a magical world where all our feelings are stirred up, we feel excitement and joy, sometimes we do not even feel the need to eat anymore. We constantly think about the loved one, we can not focus on anything else. It seems we have found in the other the part of us that was missing and we swim in a bubble of happiness.
When one falls into a passionate relationship, the attraction and recognition in the other is so strong that his presence becomes a sine qua non condition to our well-being and survival. This form of love is passionate and obsessive as if our own survival depended on it.
Once the idyllic period of love has passed, usually after a couple of months, we gradually begin to see the flaws of the partner rise to the surface. Slowly but surely the presence of the other becomes unbearable. We blame the partner for his faults and the partner blames us for ours, usually a conflict phase follows where the couple might rip each other apart on different levels. In the case of a passionate relationship it can lead to destruction.
So why are relationships so complicated?
Everything we perceive as external to ourselves is a projection of our consciousness, a mirror of who we are. Any relationship is a mirror. And romantic relationships are magnifying mirrors. The partner is a perfect vibrational match and will reflect aspects of ourselves that are mostly unconscious. That's how life works, by putting in front of our eyes beings who will reflect what we can not see in ourselves so that we can evolve and grow. Being single or living alone is certainly relaxing and sometimes gratifying, but it does not offer this mirror so needed for our personal evolution and growth.
And what happens when the partner reflects aspects of ourselves that we do not want to see? Well, our ego reacts to what it sees as if it were a threat, that is, a threat to its direct survival (because the main role of the ego is to guarantee its survival). Then the ego will point out what is wrong with the other, the ego of the other will then strike back, our ego will then strike again, etc. and the infernal cycle goes on...
Our conception of what love is, is in fact largely defined by the way we were loved by our parents, especially the opposite sex parent. For example, if one of our parents had a cold and distant attitude, the way we perceive love will be coldness and distance. If on the contrary, we had to deal with a parent who overprotected us or even smothered us, it also becomes our definition of love.
The good news is that love relationships (because of their magnifying mirror effect) are also exceptional opportunities for healing the past and help our soul expand. How will we attract the person who will help us heal ? There are two possible paths : we will either attract a person who exactly reflects the parent of the opposite sex and the definition of love that has been passed on to us, or we will choose a person who embodies the perfect opposite of that same parent. In the second case, it is quite common that the partner embodies the opposite of this parent but only on the surface... digging deeper we might realize that, in fact, at an unconscious level there are deep resonances with that parent.
Among the classic patterns of love relationships we can find : dominating and dominated, victim and perpetrator, victim and saviour, victim-perpetrator-saviour (all interchangeable), narcissism and co-dependency, co-dependency and addiction, father and child, mother and child.
When we want to explore our relationship patterns, especially if they are repetitive, which means we always attract the same kind of person or situation, it's really interesting to immerse ourselves in introspection and ask ourselves these kinds of questions:
- How did I experience my relationship with my father / mother when I was a child ?
- What is the main feeling / emotion I have kept from this relationship ?
- How was my personality formed through what I received from this parent ?
- What are the needs that have not been fulfilled in this relationship ?
Then we ask ourselves what we see or project onto our partner that mirrors our relationship with this parent, and even better we discuss it with our partner and we invite him to ask himself the same questions.
It’s not a secret, communication in a couple is essential and if we really want to live an intimate and authentic relationship, we must be ready to expose ourselves to the other person. We must remove the masks and shields to be able to have a sincere and openhearted relationship based on respect and listening.
Let us now turn to the type of "spiritual" love relationships, such as the Twin flame, soulmate and twin souls relationships. Having experimented these different types of relationships myself, I will expose what I have observed but also what I have observed through other couples I met.
So there is a lot of information circulating about Twin Flames, especially on the net, a lot of fantasies and misperceptions of what Twin Flames really are. The human in us aspires to this ultimate Love that would allow us to access the Divine Love in all its purity and beauty. This ultimate Love that would be the union of incarnated Twin Flames. Unfortunately it is mainly a pure human fantasy ... Moreover, Twin flames are still a very mysterious subject and quite new too. We don’t know everything about Twin flames, we are merely discovering it.
It is said that Twin Flames are a one soul split in two, with a female part and a male part embodied in the form of a man and a woman, or a male polarity and a feminine polarity in the case of a homosexual couple. I'm not quite sure we only have one Twin flame ... after all, our soul is an extension from an oversoul which is an extension from Source so we might as well have many different soul extensions. The Universe works very much like a Russian doll but without any limitation. Most of the time one of the Twin flames is incarnated and the other remains in the spiritual worlds. The incarnated Twin Flames are relatively rare, we sometimes speak of 1 to 3% of the population. They are very specific incarnations, soul contracts, sometimes karmic ones. Symbolically, from a spiritual point of view, it is indeed the alchemical couple: Isis and Osiris, Yeshua and Mary Magdalene. The perfect sacred balance between Yin and Yang each reflecting its aspect and leading to Unity and wholeness.
In practice, we are not all Isis and Osiris. Basically Twin flames that unite in the incarnation would, for those of you who know a little astrology, embody the "Plutonic" type of relationship. It is intense, it is consuming, it is deep, it is transformative but the other one will pull us straight down into the abyss of hell ! If romantic relationships are magnifying mirrors, Twin flame relationships are microscopes. Because it is one same soul incarnated in two different polarities, the two partners are very strongly opposed on all levels, while being complementary at the same time. This is the type of relationship where we could say: "I can not live with you but I can not live without you either". Sometimes the intensity is so strong that one of the two partners will take off (often the male partner) leaving the other in a vacuum of absolute despair. We call it the "Twin flame runner" while the other chases. Sometimes the runner comes back, sometimes he doesn’t.
Twin flames unite for one reason: there is no other relationship that allows such a rapid and radical transformation of the ego and allows such a rapid expansion of the soul. But that comes at a price, because the Twin flame relationship is demanding. It puts our heads in the bucket for us to face our worst nightmares and worst demons. Yes, this absolutely perfect mirror unearths the deepest and most traumatic childhood wounds of both partners, which implies a complete overhaul of the ego's structure, or even its dissolution.
While this is also the case in a classic relationship, it generally takes many years or even many partners or many lives to achieve this result. The Twin flame relationship is super concentrated and intense and sometimes in a three year period we come out of it completely transformed.
As there is this love-hate aspect in the relationship, the partners can successively attract or repel each other like magnets. This attraction-repulsion is felt in sexuality too, sometimes it is complete symbiosis sometimes it is total repulsion. Actually, the Twin flame relationship is the opposite of what we could call a romance. One of the missions that Twin flames have agreed upon prior to incarnating is to help transmute these patterns for the collective. And hell yeah there is a lot to transmute!
We sometimes see the narcissist /co-dependent pattern or the co-dependent / addict pattern in Twin flame relationships, but not all of these relationships are necessarily Twin flames.
In most cases, Twin flames are not long-term relationships, unless at some point the relationship becomes more balanced and more like a soulmate relationship. The Twin flame enters our life to show us our darkest shadows and allows us to face them. Once the lesson is learned, we move on. There is, however, a quality of love in the Twin flame relationship that is indescribable, a love that transcends physical reality, which most often resembles a daily battleground. That's why Twin flames have so much trouble leaving each other even if it's war at home. It is a deep love, sincere and unalterable because it is Divinity expressing itself through it. If the two Twin flames reach a state of self-realization, mastery, or even enlightenment, then they really embody this alchemical couple that it so fantasized about.
A soulmate can be a lover, a friend, a relative, a brother, a sister or someone else in the family. I'm going to talk about soulmates in a love relationship here.
Soulmates immediately recognize each other. Usually at first sight there is an instant physical attraction, an understanding and a fluid and easy communication. It is a much more balanced and harmonious relationship than the Twin flame relationship. Both partners are much less opposed and much more alike. They share the same desires, the same interests and the same goals in life. They bring each other mutual love, tenderness and comfort ; there is often an instinctive and telepathic communication that facilitates exchange and mutual support. Sexuality is often very powerful and there is usually a very good compatibility in this area because there is a strong physical attraction to begin with and the two partners fill each other’s needs.
But all of this does not mean that there are no challenges in a soulmate relationship ! In fact, we are also dealing here with this magnifying mirror that will accentuate all the flaws in the other, bring out certain wounds, patterns, sometimes karmic wounds of loss, abandonment or impossible love. But unlike a Twin flame relationship, soulmates really are on the same wavelength and have a similar way of being. This will allow them to solve their problems with more harmony and benevolence and this might guarantee a certain longevity. Some say that to live a true soulmate relationship, one must reach a certain spiritual maturity and personal resolution. I think that's quite true, but I regularly see young soulmates uniting, in which case the relationship might be often shorter or less exclusive. Anyhow the soulmate relationship allows us to live a love that feels like completion and merging with the other. A relationship where there is a real mutual understanding that brings warmth and affection that helps the couple to evolve together towards the same goals in life.
One could say that twin souls are two souls from the same egg, a little like real twins. These twins can be of the opposite sex or the same sex, it can be a romantic relationship or another type of relationship. The twin souls are a little like soulmates but very very similar and inseparable, and a bit like Twin flames but without the conflict aspect because they are not two opposite polarities. Sometimes, as in the case of Twin flames, a twin soul will incarnate and the other will remain in the spiritual worlds. This is my case, one of my guides is a twin soul with whom I lived at least one incarnation as twins and who chose to stay in the spiritual worlds to guide me. It is as if this soul was experiencing the incarnation through me but with a more global perspective than the physical experience. When two twin souls are incarnated and unite, they are basically extremely similar and close to each other, like if there were this unbreakable bond, stuck with superglue. They love doing everything together, they rarely fight, they sometimes even look a bit alike!
In all the types of relationships I've mentioned, it's important not to get too caught up in labels, even though these descriptions can help us understand our relationship dynamics. In all relationships at the end of the day, there is really only one thing that counts: love and above all, self-love. Relationships serve as a mirror to show how it is imperative to love ourselves first if we want to live a harmonious and satisfying relationship. Trying to fill an inner void, seeking completeness through the other is a recipe for disaster. If we want to live a conscious relationship, it is important to have a capacity of introspection, to know how to question ourselves and to become aware of what the other person is showing us and taking responsibility for it. Creating healthy boundaries and make sure to meet each other’s needs. We can only really love the other when we have learned to love ourselves and made peace with our shadows.
You also need to know how to respect yourself. If you are in an abusive relationship may it be emotionally, physically or verbally abusive or if there is violence or humiliation that leaves you miserable. Whether it's a Twin flame relationship or whatever, we do not stay in an abusive relationship just because it's a mirror and we have to solve our problems. Sometimes the mirror just shows us that it's time to get the hell out of here and move on.
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